If this week was a scene in Harry Potter...it would be the one in the Chamber of Secrets, with lots of shrieking and ominous bits of dead basilisk everywhere.Read More
Eight weeks in and queen numbers have dwindled sufficiently for me to muster the energy to write obnoxiously about them. Werk!Read More
This week I mostly… exhumed my Summer 2017 playlist!Read More
No, I don't have anything better to do.Read More
If this week was a colour... it would be a murky, pallid, thoroughly dispiriting but curiously on trend grey.
Like Mark Zuckerberg's face, basically.Read More
Because a Stupendous Sextet is always better than a Fab Five, amiright?Read More
Rat traps, carbon emissions and lengthy appendages - it's another thrilling Things of Weeks!Read More
...Leslie Knope's box of trash. As in, Jim Chapman, Thorgy Thor, and various other flaming garbage piles.Read More
Yes, I know it's March. But I can still have OPINIONS goddammit.Read More
The Grimacing Face. After grinding three of its own teeth out.Read More
If this week was a Winter Olympics event... then it would be… um... (I haven't watched them)
ALSO: that twat 'Toff' has been given a Sunday Times Style column for some reason.Read More
If this week was the victim of a fantasy villain... it'd be cursed by Jadis, the White Witch.Read More
If this week was an emoji... it would be a glass of red wine, on a pizza slice coaster.
ALSO: what on earth went down at Geri's house on Friday?Read More
This week I mostly... sent annoying emails to my cleaner.
Also: Princess Eugenie's doomed attempts at attention, a failed ham caught slapping in Davos, and Brooklyn Beckham's latest douchewaddery. Happy Things of Week!Read More
it would be a formerly smiley face, now weather-beaten into chapped, puckered submission.
ALSO: Kylie's new single, 'Dancing' (it's quite good), the sad demise of my favourite website, the even sadder continuation of Dry January, and that dickhead Aziz Ansari.Read More
If this week was a scene out of Mean Girls... it would be the one where Regina George blankets the corridors in photocopied Burn Book excerpts.Read More
Highlights of my year, including Michelle Branch, Steps, YouTuber fuckery, an ace Dua Lipa remix and the dressing gown I refuse to change out ofRead More
Ross solves your problems. Respectfully.Read More
The last few days as summarised by our glorious national press.Read More