Happy Taylor Swift Day!
It comes but once every second October; not including that time Fearless came out in November instead for some reason. Fans of Katy Perry-baiting and one-time Nashville darlings rejoice - it's Taylor Swift Day!
But how to celebrate such a momentous occasion? The fifth biennial calls for something more than the usual "sing We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together on public transport" and so I have eleven suggestions, one for each time I've played Out of the Woods so far. This morning.
1. Download the new Taylor Swift album. Listen to it solidly three times through, blanking any and all interruptions regardless of the personal or professional consequences. It's Taylor Swift Day for god's sake!
2. Listen to it solidly three times through, including the wildly self-indulgent voice memos. It's Taylor Swift Day, come on!
3. After completing your third immersive 1989 experience, delete Shake it Off from your iTunes. It's Taylor Swift Day, but come on.
4. Create and drape your own Taylor Swift bunting across your immediate surroundings, again - and I can't stress this enough - regardless of the personal or professional consequences. Remember Taylor Swift Day comes but once every second October (ish) and with the below guide at your fingertips there really is no excuse.
5. Tweet abuse at Taylor Swift's many enemies to remind them what day it is. Sample tweets: "You need to get that blood tested @KatyPerry because Taylor Swift says it's bad #badblood"; "Katy WHO? @katyperry"; "Was it really only last year @KatyPerry released Prism because it feels like a million years ago which is also when @KatyPerry was last any good cc @katyperry"; "Fuck you @katyperry".
6. Create your own 1989 cover, remembering to try and capture some of the casual elegance of Taylor's official version. Top tip: it's all in the mouth.
7. Dramatically mime yourself down the nearest busy street to Enchanted, making sure to collapse to your knees and remonstrate with the nearest busker at the middle eight ("Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you").
8. Do something unbelievably basic - a venti Pumpkin Spice latte, a BuzzFeed quiz about how basic are you, brief and unsatisfying sex with your childheart sweetheart Chad, a picture of yourself standing in a big pile of leaves. Yay Taylor Swift day!
9. Tearfully reminisce about lost love after coincidentally stumbling upon a Film4 re-run of Brokeback Mountain. Jaylor Gyllenswift: where did it all go so wrong?!?!
10. Tweet Imogen Heap your congratulations for dragging herself away from her fucking gloves long enough to record at least one tolerable track this year (suggested message: "YESSS GAWD @IMOGENHEAP #clean").
11. Listen to 1989 for a fourth time. Happy Taylor Swift Day, one and all!