2015: my New Year's resolutions

Resolution 1: get nasal hair under control 1. Get my nasal hair under control. Never felt the uncomfortable curl of a hair around your nostril, usually mid-meeting with people you'd hoped to impress with intellect rather than hirsute nasal passages? It'll come to you, don't worry.

2. Mute and/or unfollow everyone I find irritating on social media instead of boiling over with rage every time their bullshit pings up on my screen. Resolution 2: mute online irritantsSample offences: tweets about gyms; tweets about things I've already watched; tweets about political views not compatible with my own; tweets about fad diets I couldn't stick to; Facebook posts about the relationship we all know is going to FAIL in a matter of MONTHS because I am TIRED and UNREASONABLY ANGRY and ARGH WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP, CLOSE FRIEND I ACTUALLY LIKE IN REAL LIFE.

3. Refuse to check work e-mails between the hours of 1800 and 0800. For similar reasons above.

4. Charge my phone in the study rather than within arm's length for insane bouts of 3am Twitter browsing. And also delete Twitter and Facebook off my phone. No good has ever come from these apps.

5. Reply to texts within 24 hours of receiving them. Especially if from my mother.

6. Go to the dentist. Shameful admission alert - I haven't done so for two years. But before you judge, this is for a variety of complicated but perfectly legitimate reasons:

Ahem.

7. Limit myself to one (1) bag of Kettle Chips and/or salt and vinegar McCoys a week. Resolution 7: eat less crispsThis will be the year I force myself to enjoy kale 'crisps'.

8. Drink more coffee. Because frankly it just makes my head a more pleasant place to be.

9. Post on here every day. Sorry everyone!