Interesting Things the Children Who Live Upstairs Have Thrown Out of Their Window and Into Our Back Garden #1: An uneaten packet of parma violets

Look at them, just lying there - slightly damp from what I hope is just morning dew. But what could it mean? What could those shrill, vertically challenged prepubescents be trying to tell us? This is not the first time parma violets have rained down from their bathroom window.

Could they be a clumsy apology for the friend's bike without a rear wheel that's been padlocked to our front gate for three months? They are sweets, after all, which makes me confused as to why a child would willingly hurl them from their sticky mits. Do they just find parma violets as disgusting as I do? If so, why do they keep procuring them? Surely the toilet is a more obvious disposal route? Unless - holy mother of god - they know how much I loathe them, and this signifies the outbreak of ALL OUT WAR?!

Stay tuned, readers. Half-term is but a few weeks away.