Things of the week

Orange juice and lemonade Welcome back and fuck you of the week: our office boiler decided its new year's resolution should be to turn on less often, lending a Dickensian, frost-bitten charm to the first day back at work. Happy 2015, coworker humans!

Unexpected cause for renewed interest in Celebrity Big Brother of the week: the prospect of Michelle Visage tearing Katie Hopkins a new one is powerful indeed, if somewhat undermined by the toxic presence of Perez Hilton.

Concerning e-mail subject line of the week: I was perturbed to receive an e-mail entitled "Real cutie [heart emojis x2]" from my mother earlier this week. Far from falling victim to hackers, said mail consisted of a series of attached - PROFESSIONAL - photographs of our two dogs, and was swiftly deleted.

Confusingly mesmerising GIF of the week: Justin Bieber in crazy pant world versus Justin Bieber in reality.

Useful deterrent from breaking Dry January of the week: the single can of murky green Grolsch, left over from Hogmanay party, sat in front of the rest of our liquor cabinet.

Sad realisation of the week: our Nice Jewish Guys 2014 calendar has been flipped for the last time. Goodbye Kristopher, Ethan, Brandon, et al. It's been oysergeveynlekh.

Quote of the week:

"Oh fuck off."

- The world, at Rupert Murdoch

This week's things of weeks COMES courtesy of several gallons of 'orange and lemonade', my pub order of choice as dry January rumbles drearily on.