Things of the week

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This week I mostly...

...sat about staring at my gin collection. 

Such mounting post-Christmas sorrow, so little drowning. Thanks, January.


Gameface of the week

Davina McCall, herself a published food-writer and no stranger to healthy eating, somehow mustering the professionalism to look impressed by Tom Daley’s ‘pesto’. If I was allowed wine this is where I'd drink it.

Of course, Tom's upcoming Daily Plan ('Bang on about annoying fiancé, grill chicken') means I finally have something nice to say about Fearne Cotton.

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Wanky kitchen ingredient of the week

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Quinoa flakes, as in, ‘bake trayful for 10 mins and fill flat with lingering, vomit-like odour, before mixing with maple syrup to form cornerstone of cinnamon, blueberry and pumpkin seed quinoa kettle porridge' .

New Year Resolution I Forgot to Mention the Other Day #1: Up my already aggressively obnoxious breakfast antics. I'm on track.


Love/hate relationship of the week

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Adriene, of Yoga With Adriene fame. One minute she’s all like ‘do this full body stretch thing and feel total all-consuming bliss for no reason’, the next she wants me to bend my left knee so far out of joint my hamstrings are on fire and death is coming and fucking hell I just want to smoke that smug namaste out of her with an ON-FIRE YOGA MAT.

New Year Resolution I Forgot to Mention the Other Day #2: Do more yoga. It’s going very well.


Horrifying discovery of the week

ROSS is at the dining table, trying to make polite conversation without alcohol. He is talking about FEVER TREE MEDITERRANEAN TONIC WATER. Oh dear.

ROSS: You know, I’m so glad I gave you a shot, Fever Tree Mediterranean Tonic Water. With a sprig of rosemary and spritz of lemon I barely miss Gin at all. Here’s to sensible self-restraint and a year of healthy life choices!

LIFE-RUINING SUGAR APP ROSS STUPIDLY DOWNLOADED THAT TIME makes a cheerful bleeping noise.

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LIFE-RUINING SUGAR APP ROSS STUPIDLY DOWNLOADED THAT TIME: THERE ARE EIGHT AND A HALF SUGAR CUBES IN THAT TONIC PUT IT DOWN PUT IT DOWN NOW OR DIABETEEEEEEEEEEEEES.

ROSS: (spits FEVER TREE MEDITERRANEAN TONIC WATER over guests)

Exeunt


This week I was mostly having…

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...water

Yup. HAPPY NEW YEAR.