Rosé, Kesha, broken showers and the Will Young RENAISSANCE : Things of the week
If this week was an emoji...
...it would be the yet-to-be-invented Brown Paper Bag.
As in, there are Nazis on the march in Charlottesville and all kinds of shit going down in Barcelona and for some reason our politicians won't stop going on about a bell I CAN'T BREATHE FETCH ME A -
Psychopath of the week
Our shower, which has taken to aggressively dripping in the middle of the night for no good goddamn reason. What’s your deal, dude?
Pop majesty of the week
That would be Rainbow, Kesha’s triumphant return to music. It’s a phrase I’ve used a lot, normally in reference to an eventually cancelled Michelle Branch release, but there’s really no other way to describe an album so packed with Dolly Parton collabs and ear shattering falsettos. Triumphant Return to Music.
It’s a massive and long overdue fuck you to the Unpleasantness that had everyone’s favourite James Van der Beek assassin mired in five years of legal drama, side projects and that one time on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Let's face it - she'd more than earned the right to a 6 hour Ode-to-My-Struggle, and yet it seems she's emerged with both her sense of humour and penchant for pop TUNAGE intact.
Current faves: 'Godzilla', 'Learn to Let Go', the epic folk-meets-sci-fi closer, 'Spaceship':
Injury of the week
My newly blackened right-handed index finger. Looks like a localised reaction to horcrux handling; in actual fact the result of an overeager drawer slam. I had a mid-chill champagne bucket in need of a white cloth, okay?
Crush of the week
It’s been a while since I stanned for 'The Long and Winding Road' co-chart topper; 'Leave Right Now' and his 2011 Richard X-helmed album long forgotten amid undignified Strictly exits and some atrocious hats.
Enter stage left: Homosapiens, a new podcast featuring fellow homosexualist Chris Sweeney - Google has right this second omg informed me he's the man responsible for the Somewhat Controversial But In My View Still Quite Good Lily Allen Hard Out Here video - and the #5 seeded World Idol himself.
It’s a properly hilarious and reassuringly cosy listen, wrapping up various LGBT issues with a jaunty John Grant theme tune. It also brings out a version of Will - would drink wine with, could probably bum a cigarette off - we haven’t been treated to since the Pop Idol green room circa 2002.
Guys, we're basically a Kate Thornton away from fully fledged Will Young RENAISSANCE. What’s the number to vote again?
This week I was mostly drinking…
1 x Great British Summertime
1 x M&S on offer bottle
2 x icecubes
It has been raining for six weeks now but that will not stand in my way. We are doing SUMMER, goddammit - fetch me my brolly and let’s head over to Marks & Spencer.
Right. Drip dry your way to the Foodhall and arm yourself with a basket - the time has come to raid the nearest on-offer fridge display. A lukewarm bottle simply Will Not Do.
Least-sickly-sweet rosé specimen in arm, make your perilous way via slippery floors and pensioners to the checkouts, making sure to snatch an armful of those inexplicably delicious feta and herb pastry parcels en route.
Home time. Don’t drown. A 110% basic afternoon in front of the TV beckons: carefully ice-cubed glasses gently chinking in hand; reminding you of that one time you managed to actually sit outside this year.