Sun, 'Toffolo', and that new plastic-eating enzyme: Things of the Week

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This week I mostly...

...exhumed my Summer 2017 playlist! 

Featuring such UNDISPUTED SUMMER CLASSICS as:

  • Kym Marsh - 'Come on Over'
  • Britney Spears - 'When Your Eyes Say It'
  • Precious - 'Say It Again'

An updated edition for 2018 on the way just as soon as I figure out how I feel about the new Spanglish Kylie remix. 


Disappearance of the week

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Regular readers will know I have, well, thoughts re: Georgia ‘Toff’ Toffolo’s Sunday Times Style column (see previous Things of weeks; regular Sunday night outbursts).

It was with a certain amount of interest, then, that I noted her TOTALLY SELF-PENNED and NOT AT ALL INFURIATING musings’ curious absence from the last three editions; and a new feature on successful professional women seemingly settled in its razed, smoking wake.

A late editorial realisation that Style’s middle class, middle-aged readership might not be all that interested in the brainless antics of an unemployed I'm A Celeb alum? A furious ultimatum on the part of Style’s former foremost millenial Bore-In-Chief, Scarlett Curtis? Untimely ghost writer suicide? Or just a three-week unscheduled mini break with Stanley Johnson and a Rees-Mogg or two?

Like recovery from a bad yeast infection, always best to give it a month to be safe. I await next Sunday’s edition with baited breath.


Hero of the week

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Creepy plastic-MELTING enzyme

Time to roll out the bunting for humanity's new, accidentally created, plastic-hungry, how-could-this-possibly-go-wrong Frankenzyme. Finally, a low-effort way to stop David Attenborough looking at us like that. GOD DAVID IT’S HOT OUTSIDE JUST GIVE ME A BREAK ABOUT SEAGULLS ALRIGHT.

But why stop at our plastic iced coffee takeaway receptacles? Other undesirables in dire need of rapid biodecomposition:

  • Chewing gum on pavements (gross)

  • The Sting/Shaggy collab I keep hearing about but refuse to investigate further (as above)

  • Moths (DIE ALREADY)


Weather forecast of the week

And now, over to my long-suffering balcony jasmine. How's it looking, guy?

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Hahahahaha! Oh you.


Quote of the week

Mrphhhshhh mrhjpphh mssshrrrphhhhh
— RuPaul dispatches a fourth season 10 queen, through both a heavy cold and striking new lerk
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More things of weeks

that rant about toff's in there somewhere