Sun, 'Toffolo', and that new plastic-eating enzyme: Things of the Week
This week I mostly...
...exhumed my Summer 2017 playlist!
Featuring such UNDISPUTED SUMMER CLASSICS as:
- Kym Marsh - 'Come on Over'
- Britney Spears - 'When Your Eyes Say It'
- Precious - 'Say It Again'
An updated edition for 2018 on the way just as soon as I figure out how I feel about the new Spanglish Kylie remix.
Disappearance of the week
Regular readers will know I have, well, thoughts re: Georgia ‘Toff’ Toffolo’s Sunday Times Style column (see previous Things of weeks; regular Sunday night outbursts).
It was with a certain amount of interest, then, that I noted her TOTALLY SELF-PENNED and NOT AT ALL INFURIATING musings’ curious absence from the last three editions; and a new feature on successful professional women seemingly settled in its razed, smoking wake.
A late editorial realisation that Style’s middle class, middle-aged readership might not be all that interested in the brainless antics of an unemployed I'm A Celeb alum? A furious ultimatum on the part of Style’s former foremost millenial Bore-In-Chief, Scarlett Curtis? Untimely ghost writer suicide? Or just a three-week unscheduled mini break with Stanley Johnson and a Rees-Mogg or two?
Like recovery from a bad yeast infection, always best to give it a month to be safe. I await next Sunday’s edition with baited breath.
Hero of the week
Creepy plastic-MELTING enzyme
Time to roll out the bunting for humanity's new, accidentally created, plastic-hungry, how-could-this-possibly-go-wrong Frankenzyme. Finally, a low-effort way to stop David Attenborough looking at us like that. GOD DAVID IT’S HOT OUTSIDE JUST GIVE ME A BREAK ABOUT SEAGULLS ALRIGHT.
But why stop at our plastic iced coffee takeaway receptacles? Other undesirables in dire need of rapid biodecomposition:
Chewing gum on pavements (gross)
The Sting/Shaggy collab I keep hearing about but refuse to investigate further (as above)
Moths (DIE ALREADY)
Weather forecast of the week
And now, over to my long-suffering balcony jasmine. How's it looking, guy?
Hahahahaha! Oh you.